The good, the bad, and the bloody-minded

The good news is:

Gadgeteen is in another school within a 15minute walk.
He has attended every day.
I’ve been able to return to work this week.
We've coped.
Gteen is not dyslexic, dyspraxic or any other kind of ‘ic’.
I’ve learnt a bit of maths, science art and Japanese economy.
He finally admitted that he did do what he was excluded for.
We all go roller-blading together.
Gteen loves playing poker.
He keeps threatening to run away.
We’ve eaten home-cooked meals every day.
Gteen has not gained any weight.
We still want to go to Canada.
He has ongoing support from outside agencies.


The bad news is:

He is on his 3rd detention.
We have to attend a meeting at Gteen's new school tomorrow.
I'm still on the 'happy' pills for now.
His attitude towards school hasn't changed.
Gteen has a bill of £113 to pay for damaged books.
I’ve fallen over a lot.
We play a lot of poker.
He hasn’t run away yet.
I’ve gained 18 lbs.
Canada plans have not been on the priority list.
It's taken 2 months to sort out.

I know that I've done what I believe to be the best that I can during my time off with Gteen and have balanced this with Gadget girles needs too. I hope that this experience has made a difference, though it's not exactly visably measurable at the moment. Maybe in a few years time Gteen will be able to reflect on this and appreciate the efforts we've made now, to encourage him onto a path in a positive direction, maybe he won't. Time will tell.

One-to-one time

I sit here and stare at this empty screen trying to think of how to put into words everything that Gteen and I have been through over the last 3 weeks. It’s been such an intensive one-on-one relationship that has evolved as the days pass to one with much more positive communication between us and a lot less arguing.
We’ve had a combination of appointments with the doctor, visits to the psychiatrist, compromising over the subjects that Gteen chooses to study each day, (and giving different coloured stars depending on the effort put in, then rewarding with a treat, like his current favourite snack – beef jerky), kicking a football around with him outside, (and calling it PE), cooking with him, (Food Tech), receiving and making phone calls to his school, the council exclusion officer, my work colleagues, researching (during the late evenings), on the internet: his school and government education policy, educational psychologists, alternative education & home education, understanding teenage behaviour, and looking for support for parents of excluded teenagers.
I have read articles online from The Independent and Guardian expressing concern about failures within the state schooling system that lead to exclusions and I have read research done by various organisations with suggested solutions too. My head is buzzing with all this stimuli.
I know I am not alone in feeling thwarted and failed by state education and I don’t blame individual teachers. They all have to work extremely hard to cope with the demands of, on average 30 different kids each hour of the school day and must feel equally frustrated that in general, they cannot focus on the needs of individuals, but can only plough through what is expected of them so that they can meet the targets required.
Gteen and I have been dropping off and picking up Ggirlie together, (also PE), then I (or Gteen), have been helping her with her homework. I’ve been actively involved in activities with her and her friends too, (which included having my face painted by her and a friend and making cakes with her and another friend), and of course doing all the usual domestic stuff like cooking healthy dinners, hoovering and doing the laundry, with Gteens’ help too.
We are getting along a lot better as time passes and he is becoming more co-operative, just as I am dealing better with his outbursts of frustration and anger. He is certainly benefiting from having this kind of time with me though I wonder how he will adjust to reintegration into another school.
His freedom is much restricted in that he is not allowed out on his own like before and most of his gadgets have been taken away for the time being. No Xbox or MP3 player, and the spare TV is locked away too. He has earnt his mobile phone back and can have limited use of his Xbox, (which needs the spare TV), during the holidays.
He is still attending Air Cadets but we drop and collect from the door. He can see friends here and indeed have them over for sleepovers during the weekend but visits to see friends will involve us for the transport and be closely monitored too ensure that he is actually there and not out roaming around. Despite all these consequences he is responding really well.
We now have an appointment with an educational psychologist, who is coming to our house in the first week of January. It’ll cost about £700 for a detailed report but will be money well spent in assessing his educational needs. I have been in touch with a behavioural educational psychologist too but she is fully booked until half term in February.
Gteens’ school want to arrange a managed move instead of a permanent exclusion but because we live in one borough and his school is on the nearest border of another borough, the school that has been suggested is just too far away from home so, much to the head teachers annoyance I could only turn it down on the grounds of distance. Anyway it seems to me that they are just not addressing his needs, and his cry for help by his action that started this ball rolling.
Now we have Christmas approaching and I shall finish here with these photos, which we took for this years Christmas card. Gteen made the card on the computer for us as an IT project.





We wish all that pop by a fantastic Christmas with lots of laughter, joy and happiness.

A Gadget crisis

My poor old Blog seems to have taken to the back burner during the last few weeks. I just haven't had the heart to write about anything since Gteen has been suspended from school with a view to permanent exclusion subject to a meeting with a board of governors.
I took Gteen to the doctor on the recommendation of the school, and promptly broke down in tears through lack of sleep and worry, so he signed me off sick from work with stress and put me on happy pills. I don't feel very good about it, I've never taken any of these kind of pills before, and don't like having 'stress' on my sickness record, but it's out of my control really. Gteen means more to me than work and I so want him to have a happy life, both at home and at school. I wish I could sort his unhappiness out for him.
In the meantime, I am doing my best to put him back on the right track again, though the last couple of weeks have been like the worst roller coaster ride that I have ever been on in terms of emotional turmoil.
I've bought a couple of Sats revision books and the school have sent him some work to be doing so I have been setting him daily work to do and we have also been cooking together, giving him 'Food Tech' experience.
I've also been making sure that we spend more time together as a family, last weekend we walked up to the park and all played football with Gteen in his favourite goalie position, something that he loves doing. We all enjoyed the time together despite the kids’ moaning about walking, and how boring they thought it would be without their friends along to play with. This week we went to the cinema and saw Santa Clause 3. We took the bus to the edge of Kingston and walked through the town, enjoying the Christmas lights and being together. Afterwards we walked back through the town and saw a different side to it. All the young people crowding in for the pubs and night clubs, drunk and loud. Yesterday I took Ggirlie and a couple of her friends to the local roller-skate disco.
I feel so guilty and responsible for the crisis that we are now facing and am doing whatever I can think of to put it right, though feeling insecure about the way that I have raised him thus far that has led to where we are now. Our doctor is hoping to get family therapy for us to help us too. I so thought that we did right by our kids and it’s awful to think that we have failed them somehow.

So, not a happy posting, and perhaps many who read this will not bother coming back anymore. There are so many families that have far worse lives than we could ever have, I know, but this is how my life, and that of my family affects me, and for those that do pop in from time to time, at least it’s an update.

Autumn ride

Flat battery, serves me right. Should have been out on her at least once a week. Instead she has been languishing in the garage gathering not only cobwebs, but sawdust too. Gman came to the rescue yesterday and tickle, (trickle ), charged her.

This afternoon I dressed in all my leather finery and was ready for a blast. I sat astride her and pushed the button. Nothing, dead as a dead thing. Gman had to get another gadget out of the garage and jump start her for me. She roared into life and I knew this ride was just what I needed. The painting can wait.

"Mummy, can I come too, I haven't been on your bike since France and I have got leathers now?" (Fake fashion trousers). Ggirlie was full of wishful hoping.

I left on my own and felt at ease with the world as I rode south into the Surrey countryside. I felt autumn in the breeze and wrapped my chilled hands around a hot chocolate at Newlands Corner as I wandered through the bikes. Damn I've got a horny bike.

The skies spat at me on the way home but I didn't care.

I was recharged too.

I love my bike.

Gadgeteens birthday fireworks & a job?

We have actually submitted our first job application for a vacancy in Canada!

Although it is exciting, I don't hold out any hope for of getting beyond the first stage, but at least we have made a step further forward. It's for a heating & ventilation & general maintenance position within a school district on Vancouver Island in the area that we want to move to. Unfortunately we haven't been able to get any work references yet. We've made lots of phone calls but are waiting for letters to come in, though we can't approach Gmans current company because he doesn't want to alert them to our plans until there is something concrete to tell them. We spent many evening hours this past week documenting his practical skills into a cover letter to accompany each job application. This particular job would suit Gman down to the ground. It involves maintenance in 19 schools within the district including 3 on Islands off Vancouver Island and he really would love to work within a school environment. I know he has the right kind of experience too, but we just have to prove it and we can't yet.

I get by on the buzz of the little acheivements each weekend, so that I can appreciate that progress is being made towards getting this house of ours ready. So much to do and so little time to spare.

We celebrated Gadgeteens 14th birthday on Guy Fawkes day and typically everyone appeared to celebrate with us with fantastic fireworks. It's such fun living in a suburb in England on this day because we can share the pleasure of such a variety of fireworks that shoot up into the night sky from many of the back gardens around here. Each year the residential displays seem to increase in sophistication as the market expands to meet the demand. The rockets fly higher, the bangs are louder, the colours are brighter and the patterns in the sky combine more colours and designs. These days people seem to think that anytime from about a week before to the week after the actual day can still be celebrated in the name of Guy Fawkes, and that's fine with us, we love seeing them.

What did shock me though was that 12 days before Haloween we went out as a family to a local resturaunt for a meal, quite rare for us, and whilst we were sitting to our meal a people carrier drew up outside. Two young kids clambered out whilst Mum waited in the vehicle. The kids donned masks and came into the resturaunt and up to each table trick or treating. We were gob smacked! 12 days before! that is just not on and needless to say we told the kids so, as did the other diners. They dashed back out to the waiting car and mum drove away. We are quite prepared on Haloween night, with a spooky dark house, ghoulish decorations and pumpkins, a basket of goodies, and we all dress up and join in the fun, but only on the 31st October and no other. That is just taking the mickey and greedy in my opinion!

Gadgeteen on his birthday



....And Gadgetgirlie sitting in the cereal cupboard!

Things are brightening up in our Close

Before the extension to our small 2-bedroomed home, in 2004,


and now, at long last, an after-extension photo, with the outside of the house all painted!

This extension has provided us with an extra bedroom so the kids each have their own space, a fantastic new kitchen and dining area running down the length of the side of the house, an extra living room/spare room for visitors facing the rear garden, and what was the old kitchen to the left of the front door, will now be a computer/den/library/spare room. At the moment it's used as the work/storage room for all the decorating stuff with the convenience of the sink and running water for the many brush washings that I have to do. We also have converted the coat cupboard into a downstairs toilet and added the porch to store the family coats, shoes and outdoor toys.

There is still quite a bit to do, the front garden needs tidying up (and paving, probably), the hall, stairs and landing need alot of post-extension work and decoration, the bathroom ceiling needs attention after the builders put their clumsy feet through it from the loft, and the old kitchen will need converting, then we'll finally be in a position to sell if we get the Canada situation sorted.

On that front, my brothers wife now has our CVs', and is doing a bit of networking and research from her end to see what our chances of jobs are. We've now discussed and accepted the possibility that we may have to start off elsewhere in Canada if a job opportunity comes up, then move to where we want to be if/when our permanent residence application is approved. I also now know that we won't make the required points because of the importance placed on formal education within the points system.

We all want to go so much but realise that if we keep hold of the idea and work at finding a way to make it happen then it will eventually work out, even though it will take patience and perseverance to make it so.

Meanwhile, life continues to be as busy and stressful as ever in the Gadget household, interspersed with a bit of fun, relaxation and laughter.

The Apple market water feature

We had such fun with this years attractive water feature in Kingston today and spent much more time here than we did buying the school shoes, the sole purpose of our trip into town.



No doubt many would criticize the cost of installment and the waste of water but I saw all ages running the gauntlet, and the elderly sat and chuckled, sharing in the pleasure of others. More use than the leaning telephone boxes, which are only for looking at.

Island Barn Reservoir

It was a drizzly day today so no painting outside possible, instead I visited the Island Barn Reservoir Sailing Club in West Molesey, just a 15 minute drive away, knowing that rain would not stop the die-hards from getting out there for a race or two.

In the clubhouse I introduced myself to a woman, (Ann) who was on her forth visit crewing for another member in an Albacore. She took a level 1 & 2 course during the summer down at Brighton and wants somewhere local to get some winter practice in.

A good selection of boats were out in the 10-15 kts of breeze, a couple of RS 600s, lots of Lasers, a Topper or two, a couple of Enterprises, a Fireball, and a few others I couldn't name.

There are a few club boats available for use at a nominal rate, including Toppers, Lasers and Enterprises, which would be great for me because I don't want to buy a boat now, due to our plans for Canada.

The reservoir itself has quite a history, as Graham, a veteran member explained, being one of the old style granite and clay ones. They tend to all be concrete nowadays. Apparently the contents of the 122 acre site (and 80 ft depth), would keep Londoners with water supply for just one day, so it isn't in use as a source of water supply, just down the reserve list by quite a long way. Good news as far as the club is concerned because it means that the water levels remain fairly static, though it is topped up once a year.

Yes, this club would suit my needs better than any other at the moment. The costs are low, the members are friendly, club boats are available and it's just so close to home. I would like to get Gadgeteen involved too, just to see if I can change his opinion of dinghy sailing as being too slow and boring for his liking.

We'll see how it goes.....

Local sailing club

During our visit to the 'Emigrate' show the other weekend we took a break outside on the grandstand at Sandown, which faces west.

In the distance airplanes landed and left heathrow airport, but my eyes were drawn to a much closer more attractive sight.

White and blue sails of dinghies zoomed across a stretch of water surrounded by greenery and trees a mere couple of miles away. A white clubhouse stood proud on the edge of the reservoir facing us in the sunlight.

Last night I finally got around to locating this club.

In my ideal world, priorities would be different and I would have time to go sailing as well as everything else going on for us.

One day I will, but for now I can dream.



Borrowed Sunfish fun circa 1974. Graham relaxes at the bow, Pete sits next to me. Very little wind helps us along.

'Kim' under sail

At long last I have a couple of photos of 'Kim' under sail scanned in, so that I can show just what she looked like. In the first one, Graham is at the bow, I am sitting just forward of the main mast, and Mum is also on the coachroof. This is also the sail that we took JC on, and he is standing next to the helm facing the camera.


Ahem, yes, well obviously the mainsail and mizzen had seen better days but Dad was a dab hand at repairs and didn't see why we needed to replace sails if they could be made good. We always used the storm jib because it was more comfortable for our day-charter guests, easier to keep her on an even keel and saved on rum punch spillages on the teak decks, which were a pain to scrub off.

'Kim' would fly along at 10 kts on a beam reach and to windward could still plough through the sea at 8 kts, though the automatic bilge pumps had to work harder when we had a good wind due to the downward pressure on the mast step, which was of course, below the waterline.

Occasionally when there was very little wind, we entertained our guests by lowering a long line over the side that trailed behind by 50' or so, and jumped into the sea, much to the consternation of our guests, who would assume that we had fallen overboard. Then we would swim like hell for the trailing line and get towed behind just for fun. Dad didn't like it much when we missed the line and he had to go about and come back and get us though.

When the time came for lowering the sails we had a system, I looked after the jib, and the boys did the mizzen, both sails lowered at the same time for style. Then Dad would lower the main and we three and mum would stow it tidily, whilst Dad returned to the helm to hold the course.

Tending to the anchor was my job. We had a 56 lb CQR on rope, and no anchor winch so I had to haul it up by hand, which was no mean feat. Graham would deal with the dinghy, (which unlike the rubber dinghy shown behind 'Kim' in one of the photos above, was a large cumbersome aluminium one with sharp edges, useful for ferrying our guests to and from the shore), to prevent it from denting the topsides as we went astern. If the topsides did get dented then it was one of our jobs as kids to fill the dents, sand them down and repaint, to keep the topsides looking as smooth as a fiberglass hull. We were proud of our handiwork and therefore extra careful with the dinghy.

So many memories come flooding back as I gaze at these photos, but I shall finish here with my favourite photo of Dad at the helm during our day-chartering days.